A little over 70 guests watched HISTORY BEING MADE when they witnessed the former president of the Forever Alone Club, Jennifer Aniston, marry an actual living and breathing man. On the guest list was Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Chelsea Handler, Uncle Terry, Lake Bell, Howard Stern, Emily Blunt, John Krasinski, Jimmy Kimmel, Orlando, Bloom, Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi, Jason Bateman, Tobey Maguire, Whitney Cummings, Will Arnett and nearly every famous ho alive except for Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc. Jennifer Aniston needs to spend a long time in a class titled “Priorities: Learn How To Get Them Together” at the Learning Annex, because there’s something wrong when she invites Uncle Terry’s nasty smegma ass, but not Chandler and Joey, to her wedding.
Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc were both at the Television Critics Association press event in L.A. yesterday, because they both have shows they needed to push. But who cares about their stupid shows. The only thing anyone wants to know is why they weren’t at Jennifer Aniston’s wedding. Matt told People that he missed her wedding to Brad Pitt, because he was shooting something in Austria, but he definitely would’ve gone to her latest wedding if he was invited, which he wasn’t. Sad rejected Joey makes all of us sad.
“I think they’re a great couple. I think she’s happy. And that’s all I care about is that Jen’s happy. If she wanted me there, I would have been there.
I missed when she married Brad [Pitt]. I was in Austria working. She called me, and she was like, ‘You’re really not coming to my wedding?’ And I was like, ‘I asked them if they could change the schedule. I would fly and clap and fly out.’ And they said, ‘We can’t do it. It’s too tight.’ It was a small-budget movie in Austria you’ve never heard of. Probably should have left anyway, but shit appens. What are you going to do?”
Mathew Perry also told People that he wasn’t invited, but he’s not angry or anything. No word if David Schwimmer was also snubbed.
Well, if you believe Matt LeBlanc’s messy father, then Joey probably wasn’t invited, because he boned Aniston while she was married to Brad Pitt and that just would’ve been awkward. I don’t think it’s a big deal that Chandler, Joey and Ross weren’t there, but if Rachel’s true soulmate Gunther didn’t serve lattes next to the cake at the reception, then Jennifer Aniston should be declared a deranged demon from hell and should be committed immediately. Because that is the pure definition of NOT RIGHT.
And Howard Stern said on his show that he spoke at the reception, and he also bitched about having to turn in his cell phone:
“Why can’t I have my cell phone? I don’t want to take a picture of you two! I really don’t. I want my cell phone so after I make this speech I can call my car and get the fuck outta here! People were laughing at my misery. The irony is, I’ve been on vacation with those two, and they take pictures every fucking minute! They’re constantly shooting pictures. But if I take a picture, I’m committing a sin!
This whole…It was always called a birthday party. Whenever you got an email, it was a birthday party. They’re so secretive that they even had the wedding on a Wednesday because nobody gets married on a Wednesday…Everything is always top secret. You go with these two, there’s photographers every minute. I’m sitting by a pool in Mexico and around where I sit is a sheet so photographers can’t get a picture. So I’ve never actually seen Mexico. The view I have is a sheet every year…When you go on vacation with people and aren’t allowed to leave the house, you really get to know people.”
The worst part about not having a phone at Jennifer Aniston’s wedding is that you can’t call the police on her after you realize she committed a criminal act by not inviting Gunther.
And here’s Silver Fox Daddy Joey and Chandler, who looks like a stick of dynamite just blew up in his face, at the TCAs yesterday.
Pics: Wenn.com, NBC