Minka Kelly Says That She’s Not Dating Sean Penn

July 16, 2015 / Posted by:

It looks like the decibel-shattering “GIRL, NOOOOO!” we all screamed after learning that crusty cold sore Sean Penn was trying to woo Minka Kelly has finally reached Minka Kelly’s ears. Two weeks ago, Sean treated Minka to a 35th birthday dinner at the fancy-ass restaurant French Laundry in Napa Valley, and thus the rumor that they were dating was born. If I were Minka and I found out that people were whispering that I might be getting familiar with Sean Penn’s parts, the first thing I’d do is approach a mirror and ask myself to look at my life, look at my choices. But what Minka did was hop on Twitter and explain that it’s not necessary to keep sending her pamphlets about living with low self-esteem, because she’s not Sean Penn’s new girlfriend.

Hoping this last one goes away. No, really – I dry heave pretty hard every time someone asks me if I’m dating Sean Penn. Please, for the sake of my gag reflex, make it stop.

I hope that Minka sent a copy of that Tweet to Sean Penn, because according to OK!, Sean is still trying to make her his next future ex-girlfriend. I would really love to know what that looks like, actually. I’m picturing a drunk Sean Penn on Minka’s front lawn screaming a love poem titled “Goddamn it, give me a fucking chance?” before getting down on one knee and throwing a promise ring taped to a broken cellphone at her bedroom window.

Pic: Wenn.com

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