Rihanna Brought Her Pimp Game To SNL Last Night

May 17, 2015 / Posted by:

I really miss Ole’ Dirty Bastard. I miss his amazing press conferences. I miss him rolling up in a limo to collect his food stamps. I miss him telling me my pussy is interrupting and that he knows me having his baby ain’t true. Everything about Rihanna Big Britches and Her Do-Rag Band’s performance on SNL last night made me miss him that much more. Ooooeeeee, that song “Bitch Better Have My Money” is bad. It makes you want to waft the fumes away from your ears. Watching Ms. Fenty stomp around the stage, pretending to slap people and yowling that wreck, I prayed for Lana Del Zzzz┬áto come back and awkward me to sleep.

I will say that her use of fringe during her second song (“American Oxygen”) briefly lifted me up. Because that’s what fringe does.

I’m not sure if RiRi’s schtick was supposed to distract America from alleged public fapping maniac Louis C.K.’s next-level-crazy opening monologue. There’s this level of fame wherein people forget that talking openly about your racism and speculating on how awesome molesting young boys must be for pedophiles might not fly with everyone. If you took issue with it, you could probably call him and tell him.

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