Hot Slut Of The Day!

Giggles the Pig, the future Mayor of Flint, Michigan (hopefully)!

Finally, a political candidate we can all trust. I’m all for animal friends running for political office, because they’re usually more trustworthy, articulate and less stanky than most of their opponents. Don’t let the shifty side-eye action and the fact that she’s a pig fool you. Giggles the Pig may be one of the best candidates in Flint’s mayoral race. So far the candidates include a dude who was convicted of murder and another candidate who was recently convicted of drunk driving. Giggles’ human, defense attorney Michael Ewing (no relation to J.R. and Sue Ellen, I think), doesn’t want his town run by a murderer and a recent drunk driver, so he threw his pig’s name into the race.

Michael Ewing writes on the Giggles the Pig for Flint Mayor Facebook page that she’s a better candidate than those two messes. Yes, she may have shit on the rug and snores even when she’s awake, but she’s never murdered a human. He writes this about Giggles the Pig running for mayor of the homeland of Sandra Bernard, Michael Moore and Terry Crews:

I am not one of those people who like to say negative things about Flint. I think Flint has a lot of potential. However, the combination of the aforementioned buffoons running for office along with the failure to have any mayoral candidate placed on our ballot was too much. All I could think at the time was that the situation is just another city hall circus. And what’s a circus without animals?

So, yes, I am running Giggles the Pig for Mayor of Flint. I hope that you will vote for her as a mayoral candidate who has never murdered a human. She has never placed citizens in harm by driving drunk on the highway, and has never interrupted public business and public meetings. She is a sweet and intelligent animal—which is more than can be said for some candidates.

Wantwaz Davis (Side note: Wantwaz sounds like the campaign slogan for Steve Wozniak if he ran for office), the candidate who spent 19 years in prison for second-degree murder, had some shit to say about Giggles running against him. In a Facebook comment on Giggles’ page that was later deleted, Wantwaz accused Michael Ewing of STUNT QUEEN antics (duh) and then threatened to assassinate and eat a political candidate if he wins. POLICE! FBI! OLIVIA POPE! via Uproxx

Hypocrisy has no place nor boundaries and surly does not discriminate, in which you have confirmed. In saying, you can defend men and women in the court of law who have been charged with murder, or any improprieties, take thousands of dollars from their families, in their weakest moments, while considering them to be of no significance or ability to redeem themselves. In conclusion, I honestly laughed at your remarks, however, I will be the next mayor of Flint, Michigan and will feast off of your pig at my victory party, you can get in for free, VIP on me.

CBS Detroit says that due to a ballot slip-up, all candidates must run as write-ins, so Giggles actually has a chance. If Giggles won, she’d probably ban bacon and pork rinds and lay down some felony farts during meetings (which would probably be the most intelligent thing to come out of a hole during those meetings), but she still sounds like the best candidate AND she’s got a chola name. That’s good enough for me. Giggles 4 mayor!

Pic: Facebook