TMZ says that earlier today, Pamela Anderson became Rick Salomon’s ex-wife for a second time. In a perfect world, I’d be reporting that Pamela was awarded $18 billion just for being a gorgeous living legend, but that didn’t happen. TMZ says Pamela walked away with $1 million. Rick on the other hand, left court knowing he wouldn’t have to pay back taxes on his $40 million Vegas poker winnings. Pammy was reportedly challenging his Nevada residency, but now she’s not.
Pam and Rick got married for a second time back in January 2014, and it didn’t take long for things to get messy. Pam first filed walking papers 6 months into their marriage, but she had a change of heart and they stuck it out for another 7 months. That’s when Rick and Pam really got into it: Rick accused Pam of “defrauding” him into a second marriage and kidnapping his daughter’s dog Bumblebee. Pam publicly hissed that he was bad at fucking and took out a restraining order. Shockingly, they were both self-aware enough to realize they were behaving like dramatic fools and released this joint statement:
“Public divorces can be harsh and cruel – we apologize to our families and friends for any hurt and embarrassment we have caused-we have come to an amicable agreement and are moving on. There are private and personal family sensitivities to consider and we retract any hurtful comments made in haste and distaste. We wish each other and our families well.”
Even though I knew this day was coming, I still couldn’t prepare myself for how sad it would be. When an ageless Canadian-American croissant and a trucker hat-wearing poker bro can’t make it work a second time, what hope do the rest of us have? Excuse me, I think I need a tissue.