Ben Affleck Isn’t Done Talking About That Slave-Owning Ancestor He Didn’t Want To Talk About

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Like a kid caught trying to slow dance with the family dog (“It’s not what it looks like, I swear!“), Ben Affleck is still awkwardly apologizing about this whole trying to hide his slave-owning ancestor thing. Shortly after the Sony email leaks revealed that he had asked PBS to “take care of” – so to speak – the revelation that one of his relatives was a slave owner from the show Finding Your Roots, Ben threw up a long-ass explanation on Facebook in an attempt to deal with the messy Streisand effect that it had become. And now he’s…doing it again. Ben recently took to Twitter to give a little 140-character Finding Your Roots on the guy, aka the exact opposite of what he wanted in the first place:


He also has been really talkative on Facebook, because nothing says “I don’t like drama…but here’s the dramatic shit that’s been going on in my life” like Facebook.

“Thanks for the comments here. To clarify, because I see this story being framed as “censorship” on some sites, when I told Skip I was uneasy about the slave owner, he told me he had not included it in his preliminary cut because there wasn’t much detail – a name and no details, so he wasn’t going with it to begin with. He also told me they would do a book later with a more complete story, and I said I would be happy to participate and talk about the issues more broadly.”

I mean, I ain’t not good with talking words, but isn’t censorship exactly what he was trying to do? If I go to the doctor and she puts me on the scale and goes to write down my weight and I yank away the pen and hiss “Yeah, no“, that’s censorship, right? Or is that just me being a vain bitch? Wait – don’t answer that.

And you can probably expect the Ben Affleck Slave-Owning Ancestor Unnecessary Apology Tour to keep going, because Gawker just threw up the entire original transcript from his Finding Your Roots episode. In it, Ben discovered that his third great-grandfather was a rich dude from Georgia who owned 25 slaves, to which he replied:

“God. It gives me kind of a sagging feeling to see, uh, a biological relationship to that. But, you know, there it is, part of our history.”

What I wouldn’t give to have seen Ben’s face during that “uh.” I bet that’s when he got all Batman and was like “Turn off the cameras…I SAID TURN THEM OFF!” You know he was crossing his fingers for a distant relation to a Prince or a President or something.

Ben needs to let it go, because this shit isn’t nearly the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Affleck family. Imagine what it will be like when Ben’s great-great-great grandson discovers on a future times genealogy program that he’s related to the dude from Gigli? Somewhere in 2240, an email just went out starting with the words “Listen, you need to delete that part. Please. It’s far too embarrassing.”

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