Calvin Harris And Taylor Swift Might Not Work Out Because He’s Allergic To Her Pussies

April 20, 2015 / Posted by:

According to MSN News, the adorable sunshine-haired match made in the PR offices of Candy Land that is the coordinated his-and-hers clothing romance between Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris is already in trouble, and it’s all because of her cats. A “source” (that gossipy skank Queen Frostine) says that Calvin discovered he was allergic to Tay Tay’s two butterscotch fur babies, Meredith and Olivia, after he tried to spend the night at Tay Tay’s sugar cookie compound in LA last week. Instead of snacking on her Sunkist Fun Fruit (ew, I’m sorry), he spent the whole night “blowing his nose and complaining he couldn’t breathe.

The source goes on to say that Tay Tay’s pussies shed like crazy and there’s cat hair all over the bed, so Calvin has suggested they start hooking up at his house or in hotel rooms. But since everyone knows Tay Tay’s legs won’t open unless someone guides her over to her pastel rose canopy bed using a Precious Places key, that probably won’t happen.

Calvin Harris better stock up on Costco-quantities of Benadryl if he wants to keep seeing Tay Tay, because there’s no way she’s going to choose him over her cats. Tay Tay is more attached to those pussies than she is her own pussy, and if push comes to shove, she’ll dump him faster than a bag full of stinky littler-crusted cat turds.

I’m sure if it was at all possible, Tay Tay would have had her cats present that Milestone Award she received from the Academy of Country Music last night instead of her mother Andrea, but I doubt her cats would have been into it. Unless it’s the red dot at the end of a laser pointer or a fresh pile of laundry, cats don’t give a shit.

And because no story about Tay Tay is complete without a couple pictures of her looking like a limited-edition Betty Draper Barbie doll, here she is in NYC on Saturday:

Pics: Instagram, Splash

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