Goopy Paltrow Has Consciously Uncoupled From Trying To Eat Like A Poor Person (UPDATE)

April 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Sadly, it looks like you will never get the chance to see Goopy Paltrow at Safeway asking an employee, “Pardonne-moi, where are your organic courgettes?” Because she is done with buying struggle limes and is back to buying rare Australian finger limes.

Last week, Goopy Paltrow tweeted that she had come down from her Tahitian pearl-encrusted crystal tower to find out what it’s like to eat like a poor person for a week. Goopy took the Food Stamps Challenge and agreed to eat only $29 worth of groceries, which is what a person on SNAP gets. Goopy tweeted a picture of a bunch of vegetables, which would make a fairly big bowl of guacamole, which would last most of us about a day.

Goopy did it to raise awareness about how crazy little food money people on benefits get, but last night, People said that she may have said “fuck it” to the challenge to eat the food of her people: richie food. On Tuesday night, Goopy and her dude Brad Falchuk went to a restaurant in L.A. called Animal. It’s called Animal because they serve every damn animal there.

The actress, 42, and the Glee co-creator, 44, dined at the L.A. restaurant Animal, which featured a barbecue-themed menu on Tuesday of pig ears, veal tongue and fried rabbit legs.

“They were sitting together, very cozy and romantic,” says the observer at the eatery. “He was totally rapt by everything she was saying. They were totally on a date.”

Goopie Paltrownette was overhead saying, “Let them eat veal tongue!”

Page Six says that Goopy also went to some fancy dinner for Posh Beckham that same night. But Goopy’s spokeswhore says that she didn’t quit the challenge, because she already did it last week, you GOOP-hating peasants!

“She already finished the challenge last week but only got around to posting the photo of the groceries on [Thursday].”

If Goopy does the SNAP challenge and she doesn’t shit up post after post on GOOP about how to make caviar and blinis out of tapioca balls, canned tuna water and Jiffy, did she really take the SNAP challenge at all?

But what really surprises me is that Goopy didn’t immediately do a 3-week long kumquat seed and hummingbird tears cleanse after doing the SNAP challenge, because you’d think she’d want to clean her insides of all of that non-organic guacamole.

UPDATE: Goopy Paltrow admitted on GOOP that she cheated by eating chicken (read: a hormone-free duck breast covered with bits of deep fried dolphin tongue) and black licorice (That’s what she fucking cheats with?! She is so GOOP) and then she went Norma Rae again:

As I suspected, we only made it through about four days, when I personally broke and had some chicken and fresh vegetables (and in full transparency, half a bag of black licorice). My perspective has been forever altered by how difficult it was to eat wholesome, nutritious food on that budget, even for just a few days—a challenge that 47 million Americans face every day, week, and year. A few takeaways from the week were that vegetarian staples liked dried beans and rice go a long way—and we were able to come up with a few recipes on a super tight budget.

After trying to complete this challenge (I would give myself a C-), I am even more outraged that there is still not equal pay in the workplace. Sorry to go on a tangent, but many hardworking mothers are being asked to do the impossible: Feed their families on a budget which can only support food businesses that provide low-quality food. The food system in our beautiful country needs to be subjected to a heavy revision—it is a cyclical problem, with repercussions that we all feel. I’m not suggesting everyone eat organic food from some high horse in the sky. I’m saying everyone should be able to afford fresh, real food. And if women were paid an equal wage, families might have more of a choice in the grocery aisles, not to mention in the rest of their lives.

C-?! When it comes to being poor, bitch gets an F-.

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