Open Post: Hosted By This Gorgeously Patriotic Ad For Sizzler From 1991

April 15, 2015 / Posted by:

This masterpiece Sizzler’s ad from 1991 is 4 minutes and 41 seconds long, and that’s about 4 minutes and 30 seconds too long when it comes to YouTube videos, but this one is worth every minute. This cinematic wonder was supposedly made to woo possible franchise owners and I’m sure everyone who watched it immediately bought a Sizzler, because this video successfully sells the dream and then some. This video should replace all “Welcome to America” signs at airports, because it completely sums up this country. We’re all about bottomless baskets of scrimps, all-you-can eat buffets, artery-clogging cheese toast, Vaseline-covered lenses, hairspray-encrusted hair and emotional theme songs. The Sizzler’s promo theme song of 1991 should be our new national anthem, because it’s that patriotic. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was written by Lee Greenwood. Put your hand over your heart and feel this:

That creepy whisper at the end really added the touch of terrifying that promo needed. Strangely enough, that ad also looks like an orientation video for my kind of cult.

And this chick is pretty much me at Sizzler:


Which explains why they usually kick me out.

GIF: Eater (Thanks to everyone who sent this in!)

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