Last night, the Internet asked “Is Dennis Quaid back on the bad shit?!” when a video of his b-hole spitting out hot steam as he yelled at someone on a set made the rounds. The video magically appeared last night and it shows Dennis losing his mind, freaking out and screaming at everyone. Maybe he just watched that video of his brother Randy Quaid tongue boning Evi Quaid’s twat box, because I had the same reaction after watching that torture device for the eyes. Dennis goes all David O. Russell and calls a dude “a dopey dick,” says that he’s got a bunch of pussies staring at him (Side note: I totally pictured this staring back at him when he said that) and he hates on a fucking baby. It’s always the fucking babies. It was probably the fake baby from American Sniper, because I’m sure that fake baby is a real egotistical asshole now that it’s been in a hit movie.
If you can’t watch the video, I’ve thrown up a transcript of all the fuck words that flew out of Dennis Quaid’s anger hole. But you should really try to watch the video if you want to feel the tips of your nips get hard while watching him go off. Who knew that watching Dennis Quaid curse a ho out would do things to me?
“What the fuck? Keep going. I AM ACTING HERE and this dickhead wanders onto my set. I can’t even get a line out until Dopey the Dick starts whispering in your ear and you’re not even watching anymore. Don’t fucking ‘Dennis’ me! I AM DOING MY JOB HERE! I AM A PRO! This is the most unprofessional set I have EVER been on. This is horeshit! I’ve got these zombies over here I’ve got to look at. I’ve got a bunch of pussies staring at me and this FUCKING BABY. This is garbage! Blow me.”
And here’s the video:
Because everything on the Internet is fake and cannot be trusted, people put up a magnifying glass to this video almost immediately. A Redditor claimed that he works on Jimmy Kimmel Live and said this video is a 100% prank from the mind of Jimmy Kimmel. Other Redditors tried to find out what Dennis Quaid is filming right now and they came up empty. Shooting in portrait mode is an authentic touch, but Dennis’ rant is a little too perfect and it feels like an ABC Family reboot of Christian Bale’s legendary “WE’RE FUCKING DONE PROFESSIONALLY” meltdown. Also, when Dennis calls someone a “Dopey Dick,” nobody in that room laughs their tonsils out. That’s a natural reaction to Dennis Quaid calling anybody a “Dopey Dick,” so that’s suspect. But what’s really suspect is that when Dennis says, “blow me,” at the end, not one ho says, “Okay, yeah, I volunteer as tribute.” That doesn’t make any sense! Because when Dennis says, “blow me,” you take that as an invitation and immediately put on your dick-sucking bib.