Leonardo DiCatchAHo Is Turning His Private Island Into An Eco Resort For The 1%

April 5, 2015 / Posted by:

The New York Times says that the Designer Imposter version of Jack Nicholson is finally making plans for the private island he’s owned for years. Surprisingly, those plans don’t include him calling it Pussy Island and turning it into a tropical heaven where he’s the king and the island is covered with 20-something skinny blonde bikini models. That’s his back-up plan, probably.

Blackadore Cay is a 104-acre island off the coast of Belize and Leonardo DiCatchAHo has owned it for over 10 years. Since DiCatchAHo is a real environmentalist and shit, his dream for the island has been to turn it into an eco-friendly resort for the rich. DiCatchAHo says the island has suffered from overfishing and erosion and so he’s planning to “heal it.” He tells the Times that he has finally found a worthy partner in NYC developer Paul Scialla. They plan to restore Blackadore Cay and then build 68 luxury villas on platforms out on the water. Unless gold nuggets fell out of your ass when you took a shit this morning, you can’t afford one of those villas. They will cost between $5 million and $15 million. Owners will also have to pay a monthly fee for food, housekeeping, etc…

“We are pushing each other the whole way to test the boundaries of what is possible,” said Mr. DiCaprio of his partnership with Mr. Scialla and the lead architect and designer, Jason F. McLennan. “With the onset of climate change, there are huge challenges, so we want the structure to not only enhance and improve the environment, but to be a model for the future. That includes restoring the island, creating conservation areas where we can hold research conferences, and regenerating the entire ecosystem to bring it back to its original form and beyond.”

I hope a pair of Bose earplugs are included in that monthly fee or else the villas owners will regularly be awakened by the sounds of the island and by “sounds of the island” I mean the sound of Leonardo grunting and snorting while fucking on a hot, skinny blonde bikini model. But seriously, I see what Leo’s trying to do here. Leo is hoping that a few Oscars winners will buy a villa and keep their Oscars in it. When they’re not in their villa, Leo will sneak in and spend some “alone” time (aka kissing, hugging, anal, the usual…) with their Oscars. I’m onto you, DiCatchAHo!

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