Taylor Swift And Calvin Harris At Horrifying “Matching Outfits” Stage Of Dating

March 26, 2015 / Posted by:

 

Watch out, little girl. She’ll squee with you over lip gloss flavors but behind your back everyone’s a Katy Perry (aka “jealous rival”) . Nightmare dressed as a nightmare (I mean, look at that pic – bitch is evil) Taylor Swift has once again been sighted in the general vicinity of Diplo Lite aka Calvin Harris. Good on her. Dude is hot, right?

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They were spotted walking out of a Whole Foods in Nashville together on March 25.  I’m going to hazard a guess that this was Tay Tay’s idea. You know Swifty Longstocking was all “wouldn’t it be HILARIOUS if we wore matching outfits for the paps?” Harris probably replied “oh, yeah, ha ha?” while thinking “she’s exactly how they describe her, what have I done, what do I do, she mates for life, help, help me, she will castrate me, who do I call, Jesus, Jesus are you there?!?”

Taylor probably spent the evening tee-heeing near the heirloom tomatoes over the dissolution of One Direction. Because Harry Styles is still on her shit list (written on Strawberry Shortcake stationary and hidden in her vintage Caboodles makeup organizer that Lena Dunham found her on EBay). Her convoluted but successful plan to tip off the paps about Zayn Malik’s cheating to break up the band worked perfectly. If she had a moustache, she’d be twirling it right now. “You don’t think I’m like, you know, mental cuz’ I want Harry Styles to watch every one of his dreams die in front of him, right, Calvin? Right? DO YOU?”

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