You know, six months ago we’d all be like “Cosby her? What the hell does ‘Cosby her’ mean? Like, he tried to give her a JELL-O Pudding Pop?”
Professional drunk aunt Chelsea Handler and RSILF (Ron Swanson I’d like to, well – you know) Nick Offerman were double-interviewed for Esquire’s Women & Men issue this month about sex and stuff, and at some point the conversation turned to Bill Cosby. Nick had made a joking reference to being “Cosbyed”, which – thanks to Hannibal Buress – we now know has nothing to do with frozen pudding, and that’s when Chelsea decided to tell a story about the time Bill Cosby allegedly tried to “Cosby” her.
“Oh, I was in Atlantic City playing, doing stand-up, and he was doing stand-up in Atlantic City in the same hotel, and at like three o’clock in the afternoon, someone from the hotel came down and said, “Oh, you know, Mr. Cosby would really like to meet you up in his hotel suite.” And I thought, That’s really weird. This was like ten years ago. And I said, That’s really weird. I don’t want to go alone. I go, I don’t know him. So the three guys I was with—thank God these guys were with me. One was filming and one was like a producer; we were filming something—I brought them up with me to his room and thank God I did, because now I know what would’ve happened if I went up there alone.
And I forgot about it when all the stories about Bill Cosby came out. I was like, I didn’t even think of it. Then my friend texted me the other day saying, “Do you remember that night we went up to, or that afternoon we went up to Bill Cosby’s and you were so freaked out you made us come with you?” And I said, Yeah, and he said, “Hello! You could’ve been one of his victims if we weren’t there.” And I went, “Oh my gosh …” Yeah, so yeah, he’s guilty.”
Eeesh. I already took a shower once this morning and now it looks like I’ll be taking another. Everything about that story is 8-layers of icky: Atlantic City, the words “Bill Cosby would like to meet you“, Atlantic City. NO! Atlantic City is great – it’s like Vegas, but with less of a chance you’ll run into a Kardashian.
I’m not even sure where to start with Chelsea’s story, because even though she sets up her story in the interview by saying “he tried to Cosby me“, all that really happened was that he invited her to his hotel room for a little meet and greet. Maybe he just wanted to share a plate of room service nachos and chat? Yeah, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself.
The rest of Nick and Chelsea’s interview is pretty long, and you can read it here. Some highlights include Chelsea talking about her first hand job and Nick talking about having butt sex with his wife Megan Mullally, which makes this scene between Jack and Karen so much funnier to me now.