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All the way back in the golden era of the 80s, the executives at Häagen-Dazs nearly shat themselves with fear, when a more luxurious and more Scandinavian-sounding ice cream slid onto the scene. Frusen Glädjé may sound like the name of an Ikea dresser that’ll take you 12 hours to put together and will completely fall apart as soon as you open one drawer, but it was the name of a Swedish-esque ice cream brand that was like something Viennetta would spit up after sucking off Alexander Skarsgard. It was that opulent and that luxurious.
Frusen Glädjé was put out by an American company and apparently the name is sort of Swedish. Without the fancy accent over the e, it means “frozen joy.” In other words, to Nicole Kidman “frusen glädjé” means Botox in Swedish. I think I only had Frusen Glädjé once or twice, because I didn’t really know any rich people and Frusen Glädjé was obviously for the wealthy only. It was smoother than other ice cream brands and didn’t come in that many flavors.
When it first came out, those jealous bitches at Häagen-Dazs tried to sue it out of the market and tried to stop it from using a “Scandinavian marketing theme.” They tried to act like they owned the “Scandinavian-ish ice cream by Americans” game. The lawsuit didn’t go anywhere, but neither did Frusen Glädjé. It was bought by Kraft in 1985 and disappeared sometime in the 90s.
The only thing that’s left of it is its highly artistic and weird commercials:
How do you say “no fucks given” in Swedish? And after that clip ended, someone got murdered. Frusen Glädjé was that serious.