America’s Biggest Throbbing Hemorrhoid Is Quitting The Celebrity Apprentice To Explore Running For President

March 18, 2015 / Posted by:

The NH Union Leader says that Donald Trump is done, for now, with firing reality tricks and has-beens on The Celebrity Apprentice, because he wants to think about throwing his pussy hairball hair into the presidential ring. When you hear the sound of the bloated naranja toad croaking about becoming President, you know it’s almost presidential race time. Because Donald Trump does this every. single. time.

During the finale of The Celebrity Apprentice last month, Donald Trump said that NBC picked up the show for another season, but he burped up a caca bubble of foreshadowing when he said that he hasn’t personally made any decisions about the show. A source tells the NH Union Leader that Trump isn’t going to renew his contract with NBC. Donald Trump has threatened to run for President a million times before (yes, it’s a threat), but a source says he’s serious this time and is putting together an “exploratory committee.” Jabba the Trump has already hired staff in New York, Iowa, South Carolina and New Hampshire. Trump farted up this statement today about running. As is the case with most of Trump’s statements, it is a mound of delusion wrapped in a thick layer of HAHA.

“I have a great love for our country, but it is a country that is in serious trouble. We have lost the respect of the entire world. Americans deserve better than what they get from their politicians – who are all talk and no action! I have built a great company, created thousands of jobs and built a tremendous net worth with some of the finest and most prestigious assets in the world – and very little debt! All Americans deserve the same opportunity. Our real unemployment rate is staggering while our manufacturing base is eroding on a daily basis. We must rebuild our infrastructure, control our borders, support local control of education, greatly strengthen our military, care for our veterans and put Americans back to work! We must stop other countries from totally taking advantage of our representatives who are being out-negotiated at every turn. I am the only one who can make America truly great again!”

Politico says that The Celebrity Apprentice will go on without Donald Trump. The producers plan to replace him with a long-haired incontinent guinea pig. Nobody will know the difference. (No offense to long-haired incontinent guinea pigs.)

Donald Trump doesn’t need an exploratory committee to tell him that running for president is the best idea. What America really needs is more laughs and entertainment and we’ll definitely get that if Trump runs. Since we’re on the subject of the 2016 presidential campaign, here’s my nominee at a fashion event in L.A. last week. She can run under the Ginger Party.


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