Need A Job? Prince William And Duchess Kate Are Looking For A “Discreet” Housekeeper

“But did you put your index finger up to your lips as if to make a Shhhh hand gesture in order to confirm that we required a truly discreet housekeeper. Did you do that? Did you do the Shhhh finger thing?”

“Oi, I did the bloody finger thing! Now either slag off or fetch me a Curly Wurly and some custard to dip it into.”

If you happen to be good at both wiping shit up and keeping your mouth shut, now might be the time to stowaway on a flight to England. Prince William and Duchess Kate are apparently in the market for someone to scrub the royal scootch marks out of the royal shitters without blabbing about said scooch marks, because they recently took out a personal ad in a fancy magazine called The Lady looking for a “discreet” housekeeper for their fancy country house, Anmer Hall.

The ad doesn’t come right out and say “WANTED: SOMEONE TO PICK UP AFTER WILL AND KATE”, but that help is needed at “a large family home in Norfolk” but People says it’s totally them. Duties include “cleaning all areas of the house to a high standard; caring for and maintaining the home owners’ clothing; cleaning silverware and glassware; purchasing groceries and general provisions for the house; and dealing with deliveries.” Not mentioned: cleaning up after Royal Baby Prince George every time he purposely tips his bowl of Cheerios onto the floor and laughs with sadistic glee.

But what the hell do they need a housekeeper for? Can they not just train one of The Queen’s super-smart corgis to clean up after them like that housekeeping dog from Peter Pan? Lazy ass corgis.