Goopy Paltrow Wants Her Children To Keep The Legacy Of Goop Going!

March 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Because the world would be lost if everyone didn’t know which is the best spa to get your pussy steamed (pictured above on Goopy’s shoulder: what her pussy looks like after it gets steamed) and didn’t have a place to buy $32 cleaning products for your housekeeping staff to use, Goopy Paltrow wants her kids to take over Goop one day. This is actually good news, because our children’s children really deserve to laugh at all the dumb shit Goop throws up the same way we did.

In an interview with Bloomberg, Goopy says that Goop isn’t a super luxury site, it’s an “aspirational” site. I know, she spelled “fucking ridiculous” wrong. But really, she has a point. Who doesn’t aspire to starve themselves by only eating purified air to fit into a $2500 jumpsuit made from organic cotton picked from a field where the Dalai Lama once pissed in while meditating. Goopy thinks that her site can last forever and she hopes that one day she can step away and let little Apple and Moses run it.

“My dream would be that in 20 years, people would sort of recollect that I maybe had something to do with it at one point and my involvement would be less essential. I never wanted to do a proprietary brand. I wanted it to be its own thing that my children could run one day if they wanted to.”

Based on the rumors from last year that Goop is bleeding cash , Goop might not make it another 20 months let alone another 20 years. And now that Goopy has said that she wants Apple and Moses to take over her web emporium of overpriced ridiculousness, I fully expect them to one day change their names to Gluten and Cheese Whiz and open up a site called, where they’ll sell processed meat logs and $2 dorm shower flip flops just to spite their mom.

And here’s Chris Martin and his hard nipples carrying a Farmshop bag (that bag is totally filled with McDonald’s) while running errands in Brentwood the other day.

Pics: Splash

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