Last night, Drake pulled a Beyonce and secretly released a surprise 17-song album titled If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late on iTunes, and while it didn’t crash every server farm in the midwest and make people call in sick to life like Beyonce’s did, it did probably cause some swearing to happen at the Kardashian Kompound (you know, in addition to the swearing that was happening between Kim and the nanny over why “the baby thing” had to go and ruin a perfectly good photo op last night by crying).
One of the 17 songs Drake released last night contained a slap at Tyga, aka the 25-year-old rapper who is allegedly dating 17-year-old Kylie Jenner. According to Spin, Drake doesn’t like Tyga because Tyga called him “fake” in an interview with Vibe last October. So for the past four months, that dramatic bitch Drake has been scrolling through his Bianca’s Choice™ Rolodex of Hate for the perfect read. And last night he opened the library and hissed the following in the song “6pm in New York”:
“I heard a lil homie talking reckless in Vibe
Quite a platform you chose, you shoulda kept it inside
Oh you tried, it’s so childish calling my name on the world stage
You need to act your age and not your girl’s age”
He really should have been more clear, because Kylie Jenner may be 17 in calendar years, but she’s 39 in bitch looks like years, thanks to the 8-layers of exterior paint and fillers she’s thrown on her face. Of course, Tyga took a swipe back at Drake on Twitter (which he later deleted):
That “fade from Brown” shade is a reference to the time Drake might have slept with Karrueche Tran. And are we sure Tyga is actually 25? He’s dating a teenager, he types like a teenager, he’s named after the most popular high school mascot, and he just threatened Drake with a high school-style “come at me, bro”. I think somebody should take a look at Tyga’s birth certificate; he might actually be acting his age after all.