The Rillest Feud Of Our Time: Iggy Azalea Vs. Papa John’s

February 9, 2015 / Posted by:

We really can’t trust anybody or anything in this world. Brian Williams is lying about rescuing puppies from a burning house, Anthem/Blue Cross got hacked and now Papa John’s delivery drivers are giving out the phone numbers of Australian lady rappers. Nobody can be trusted.

Because Iggy Azalea is the rillest and does all her own complaining to pizza chains instead of handing that duty over to an assistant, she spent a piece of her Grammy Sunday yelling at Papa John’s Twitter page. Papa John (not to be confused with Daddy John, which is John Travolta’s Scientology bathhouse nickname) did Iggy wrong and betrayed her trust forever when one of their drivers gave her phone number to his family member. The driver’s sister texted Iggy and claimed they were one of her biggest fans (side-eye for that), but that sister told a major lie, because her biggest fan would text with: Who dis? Who dis? I-G-G-Y?

Iggy is still spitting at Papa John today. Iggy wants to see a lineup of Papa John’s drivers so she can point the info leaker out and she is outraged over this security breach. She’s about to sue or destroy Papa John’s and she can easily do that by blasting her music in front of their store. All ten thousand of Iggy’s tweet slaps at Papa John are after the cut and I’m sure in 20 years students will be reading these same tweets in their world history app during class, because this is the most important war of the decade. I swear, watching Iggy yell at Papa John on Twitter is like watching a bratty sister yell at her bratty brother as he laughs and points at her like, “You mad!

If you’re thinking to yourself that Iggy should have a burner phone for shit like ordering pizza, I just have to say, why should she? We should all be able to trust Papa John! How can Iggy enjoy her favorite pizza (side-eye for that too) when their butter dipping sauce tastes like betrayal instead of like a Paula Deen orgasm (aka the way it’s supposed to taste). Although, I can’t trust any papa whose got Jersey Shores brows.

The driver’s little sister is a mess and she should never work for the FBI. She pretty much got her brother fired with one text. No mystery! No anything! She gave everything away in a second. I bet Domino’s Noid is behind this.

Itchy Areola (copyright: Azealia Banks) managed to brush off getting wrongly betrayed by Papa John’s and made it to the Grammys. And I’m going to take Kanye’s advice and honor true artistry by posting a link to all the things that Iggy’s challah bread braid looks like.


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