SI Swimsuit Cover: Now With More Photoshopped And Waxed Cooch

February 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Well, I guess the Coppertone Girl really is all grown up.

It was truly a night of pussies on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last night. He debuted the pussylicious cover of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition and did the Saved By The Bell reunion co-starring big pussy Mario Lopez (no offense to big pussies). I wish the Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition and Saved By The Bell would have joined forces and put Miss Bliss in a two-piece on the cover. But instead of doing that, Sports Illustrated put 24-year-old Hannah Davis on the cover. I know Hannah Davis because she’s been Derek Jeter’s on-and-off piece for 2 years. I wonder if he gives her a gentlemanly gift basket of autographed memorabilia every time they break up.

This is Hannah’s first time on the cover and her third time in the issue. This is the same issue where Sports Illustrated made the bold decision to feature a plus-size model in an ad they were paid for. How bold and heroic of them! SI: Swimsuit Edition is pretty much for straight dudes, so I get why she’s doing the “pulling my chonies down in the middle of this farm in Tennessee” pose on the cover, but damn they broke all the copies of Photoshop while working on this one. Mimi took a break from screaming at her in-house Photoshop artist about shaving 5 more inches off of her waist to look at this cover and say, “Too far, dahlings, too far.” The cover looks like an oil painting of a shape-shifting Thundercat who is in the middle of morphing into Jennifer Lawrence.

I can’t wait for next year’s cover which will probably feature a spread-eagled naked model with nothing but a piece of nylon floss tied around her clit. A clit-kini!

And here’s some pictures from last August of Hannah Davis in her human form.


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