Johnny Depp And Amber Heard Are Married Now

February 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Well, you can officially start placing bets in the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard divorce pool, because these two are now married for real. Since I’m a believer in true love and can see that Johnny and Amber are always exuding rainbow-wrapped happiness when they’re together (see: picture above), I’m going to say that their break up date will be the 20th of NEVER. Or the week before her next movie opens. Either or.

Seen above looking like a constipated Mr. Peanut and Vintage Barbie, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard got married at his house in L.A. yesterday. E! News EXCLUSIVELY confirms it and that’s celebrity website talk for “Amber’s publicist told us.” The human gas station gift shop scarf tree and his young bride are going to get married again in a wedding on his private island in the Bahamas this weekend. The 51-year-old Johnny and 28-year-old Amber got engaged around the holidays in 2012. This is his second time being married and it’s her first. UsWeekly has a few riveting details:

An insider tells Us that the bride and groom married at Depp’s West Hollywood home on Tuesday, Feb. 3. They will next jet off to his private island in the Bahamas for a second service. “It will be a really simple ceremony,” a source previously told Us of the tropical getaway. “Things are in a great place with them.”

I don’t know why they got married yesterday if they’re going to get married again this weekend. I’m guessing it’s a legal thing. Or they’re just greedy. Or one of them wanted to make it legal before the other one wakes up from their pill-induced haze and changes their mind. You decided which is which.

Congratulations to these two messes. Here’s to more pictures of them looking like Victorian mourners at a funeral.

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