Hot Slut Of The Day!
Ernest Moniz, the US Secretary of Energy and hair star of last night’s State of the Union!
Last night was that time of year when I lay a beach towel on my living room floor, get into my thong, slather Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil all over my body and lay down to take in the hot rays that waft off of John Boehner’s charbroiled face. My Twitter timeline was full of jokes about how Boehner looks like Tan Mom’s clit and Joe Biden is the king of hype man looks, and that could only mean one thing. It was SOTU time.
I watched for two reasons: I wanted to hear President Obama pay tribute to America’s greatest citizen and biggest star, the fake baby from American Sniper, and I also watched for the looks in the audience. President Obama didn’t give it up for fake baby, but the people in the audience came through. My eyeballs got the tingles and my eyelashes nearly singed off when they were hit with the Secretary of Energy zapping all kinds of life into me with his immaculate mane game and facial expressions.
Over the next few weeks, thousands of hairstylists will hear their clients say, “Give me the Moniz, girl!” Ernest Moniz served up some “younger Ernest Borgnine as the Quaker Oats guy with a side of sass” glamour. The Dutch Boy is all grown up and he did get better with age.
Ernest Moniz’s wife should be named the US Secretary of Beauty, because apparently she cuts his gloriously gorgeous silver mop and has been doing it for years.
And Ernest Moniz totally knew he was giving us something to gag on last night:
“If you think it looks hot from this angle, wait till you see it from this angle.” He really is the Secretary of Energy, because he lit me all the way up with his stunning hair game.
GIF: Tumblr