TMZ says that four months after he admitted that the sparkle had started to dull on his once-shimmering marriage to living rhinestone Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon quietly filed walking papers on December 12th. Aaaand now we know what Nick got Mariah for Christmas: a divorce. TMZ says Nick filing on December 12th makes sense, because it was pretty much 10 days after Mimi held up the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree lighting ceremony with her messy divorce business. I’m guessing Nick filed first because Mimi was taking too long trying to find a Hello Kitty Bye Bye Marriage kit on Amazon.
And I’m shocked that it’s been a whole month since Nick filed for divorce and neither of them have started dragging each other in public. Now, I’ve never been a famous person who has filed for divorce from another famous person, but it’s my understanding that the second you slip those papers under the door of the I Quit This Bitch office at city hall, you are legally obligated to turn into a dramatic mess. Where are the vague passive-aggressive Tweets? The Facebook statuses that begin with “You think you know someone” and end with “…but I’m not here to start drama, so I refuse to get into it.” It’s not really a Hollywood divorce until someone calls a bitch out over Instagram.
Or maybe Mimi doesn’t have time to worry about what her ex is doing because she’s too busy counting all those sweet lazy lip synching dollars she’s getting for her residency in Las Vegas. According to TMZ, Mimi is getting paid some serious money. “Wait! Is it too late to take it back?” asked a desperate Nick Cannon.