Okay corn broom, we got it – you still have the ass of a 22-year-old stripper. Sit it down.
During a game of “Plead the Fifth” on Watch What Happens Live last night, Andy Cohen asked living glass of coconut water Gwyneth Paltrow the question: “What is the hardest drug you’ve ever taken?” If I had to guess the answer, it would be either a fine French milled opium imported from a 89-year-old artisanal drug dealer in Paris or an organic cocaine-style nose talc hand-cut using an American Express Black Card. But I was wrong. According to Goopy, the hardest drug she’s ever done is ecstasy:
Sadly, she didn’t elaborate on the circumstances surrounding her experience rolling on E, but I like to imagine it involved Goopy wearing a pair of JNCO Jeans and a million plastic bead candy raver bracelets while sucking on a pacifier and spinning a couple glow sticks between her fingers. But in all likelihood, it probably went something like this:
After many months of rectal discomfort from walking around with a stick up her ass, Gwyneth went to her goopiopath (a doctor that deals exclusively with rich lady problems) and asked them to recommend something to treat it. Since the medical community has yet to discover a cure for Stuckupbitchitis, her doctor decided to prescribe a couple hits of ecstasy in an attempt to mellow her out. And it was the hardest drug she’s ever taken, because her doctor forgot to put it in a diamond-studded 24k gold decorative pill bottle and, ew, are you kidding? Pills out of a plastic bottle?
Later on, Goopy played a game with Andy called “I’m So Goopy” where he read off a list of things common peasants like, like jeggings and spray cheese, and asked which ones Goopy likes too. Goopy apparently likes sweatpants and Taco Bell. Taco Bell? Uh huh, sure. Ordering a cup of filtered water through the drive thru doesn’t count, Gwynnie!