Mimi Got A Job In Las Vegas

January 15, 2015 / Posted by:

Upon realizing that she may no longer be the drowsiest lip synching polyester-haired goddess on the strip, Britney Spears just panicked and chugged a 64oz 7-11 Double Gulp cup filled with Frapp syrup and Cheetos. Stop worrying, Brit Brit, there’s enough room and clip-in hair for both of you!

In an interview that will air later today, effervescent human butterfly Mariah Carey broke the news to Ellen DeGeneres that she just signed a residency deal with Caesars Palace where she’ll do a show inspired by her album Number 1’s. If you’re wondering why your dog is currently freaking the fuck out, it’s because he’s reacting to the sound of the Lambs screaming at a register that can only be recognized by canine ears. Mimi is sort of taking over for legendary poutine chanteuse Celine Dion while she steps away for a bit to take care of her sick husband.

Speaking of super fans, she also surprised a couple by dressing up in a French maid costume and pretending to be Caesars Palace housekeeping. My favorite is the dude at the 2:05 who looks like me when I go to Red Lobster and discover that the Endless Shrimp special is still on:

Mimi doing a Vegas show is a great idea, because they’ve got the kind of budget that can make miracles happen. Mimi doesn’t even have to technically be there at every show; they can film her in front of a green screen back stage in between naps and project a hologram during her “performance”. And if they really need her out there, they can just stuff her sleeping body in a harness and fly her around the stage Cirque du Soleil-style. The Lamb’s eyes will be too busy weeping glitter-dusted tears to notice that anything is off.

Here’s more of Mimi looking like a top-shelf bottle of Spanxed-up sophistication while leaving Craig’s restaurant in L.A. last night:

Pics: Splash

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