Jamie Dornan’s Greatest Fear Is Some Dark Shit

January 9, 2015 / Posted by:

No, Jamie Dornan’s greatest fear isn’t that every time he goes to the grocery store, he’ll see some desperate skinny fat gay guy having butt sex with a bag of grapes while screaming his name. Jamie Dornan’s greatest fear also isn’t that Fifty Shades of Shit will flop hard and the only roles he’ll be able to get will be in SyFy movies and direct-to-VOD soft-core gay porns opposite Chad Allen (I wish). Jamie Dornan tells Details that nothing fills him all the way up with fear like the thought of a crazed Fifty Shades stan killing him at one of the premieres. Too bad ho’s greatest fear isn’t that clothes will suffocate him to death so he has to walk around totally naked. Jamie dribbled out this dark shit about his greatest fear:

“I almost don’t want to put this out there into the ether, but I fear I’ll get murdered, like John Lennon, by one of those mad fans at the premiere. I’m a father now, and a husband. I don’t want to die yet. And when I do get murdered, people will say, ‘God, isn’t it haunting how he did that interview in Details magazine and predicted his own death on the red carpet?'”

Does Jamie even know the Fifty Shades fandom (I hate myself for typing that)? I’m pretty sure the most hardcore Fifty Shaders are Walmart-shopping, CBS sitcom-watching, Liz Lange for HSN-wearing, Buick LaCrosse-driving, Activia-creaming, Barefoot wine-drinking middle-aged moms from the Midwest. I don’t know if he has to worry about them murdering his ass. But he should worry about them asking him if he’s eating enough, because he looks a little on the skinny side and is he getting enough good fats, they saw something about that on Dr. Oz and they noticed in pictures from events that he’s been drinking a lot and he should really cut back and blah blah blah… Now that I think about it, all of that nagging will lead to Jamie wanting to throw himself into oncoming traffic, so maybe he has a reason to be afraid after all.

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