Twenty years ago, Christina Aguilera was one of Mickey Mouse’s money makers and I’m sure back then he would’ve gladly taken a picture with her since she was making him cash. But now that she’s no longer one of his hos, he acts like he doesn’t know who she is. That Mickey Mouse has always been a shady, shady bitch.
TMZ says that over a week ago, Xtina spent her 34th birthday at Disney’s California Adventure in Anaheim, CA and she turned the happiest place on Earth into the cuntiest place on Earth. (Side note: I’ve worked at Disneyland before and it’s always been the cuntiest place on Earth to me, because it turns people into monsters who can’t act right.) Some source says that Xtina and her friends wanted to get a picture with Mickey Mouse, but it was break time for him and nobody, not even one of his former club members, gets between him and his smoking time.
When Mickey Mouse refused to take a picture with them, Xtina allegedly turned into Cuntina and called him an “asshole” before pulling some embarrassing “Do you know who I am?” shit. Mickey probably thought to himself, “Of course I know who you are, trick, because I made you. You’re welcome.” The source says that Xtina’s crew also got crazy and when they screamed threats at Mickey Mouse, he was ushered away by his handler to a “safe zone.” Security was called, but by the time they showed up on the scene, Xtina and her gang of messy hooligans were gone.
What a time to be alive…
There’s not even video of this, but my soul still got the tingles in a major way while picturing that drunk mess Xtina scream “Do you know who I am?!” at a person in a Mickey Mouse costume. She really made Laura Jeanne Poon proud. This has to be the most entertaining thing she’s done in years. It’s a good thing she didn’t scream that at the Mickey Mouse in Times Square, because he doesn’t play and he would’ve cut her up with the shank he made from a mouse trap spring.
But seriously, it’s always a sad day when a pimp has a falling out with one of his former hos. Xtina did mess with the wrong bitch, though. Mickey will get his revenge. Xtina shouldn’t be surprised if she wakes up one day to find the decapitated heads of all of her red lipsticks in her bed.
And I must thank Xtina for this beautiful belated Christmas gift. Whenever I’m down and need a quick pick-me-up, I’ll think of the beer sloshing out of her cup as she slurs out the words, “Do you know who I am?” at Mickey Mouse.