Chris Rock And His Wife Are Calling It Quits On Their Marriage After 18 Years

This truly is the season for quitting your long-term piece. After 18 years of marriage – the Hollywood conversion of which is roughly 1.8 to 2.1 million years – UsWeekly says that Chris Rock and his wife Malaak Compton-Rock are getting divorced. A rep for Chris Rock (Pootie Tang?) released a statement to UsWeekly regarding their split, saying:

“Chris Rock has filed for divorce from his wife, Malaak. This is a personal matter and Chris requests privacy as he and Malaak work through this process and focus on their family.”

Wait, that’s it? Nothing about “it is with a heavy heart” or “due to irreconcilable differences”? Sounds like someone needs to take a couple Public Relations-101 night school classes. I mean, I don’t think we can even technically classify that as a celebrity split statement unless it ends with the words “they remain the best of friends”. Malaak also released her own statement to People, and it was a little more fancy:

“After much contemplation and 19 years of marriage, Chris and I have decided to go our separate ways. Being fortunate enough to lead a life of service by working with those most vulnerable makes me well aware of life’s blessings, even when faced with difficulties. While recognizing that this is a significant change, my children remain at the center of my life and their well-being is my top priority. It is in this spirit that I sincerely ask that their privacy and the privacy of our family be respected during this transition in our lives.”

I hope that when People corrected Malaak and told her it was actually 18 years of marriage, she replied “Well, it felt like 19 years.”

Chris and Malaak married way back in 1996 and have two daughters together, 12-year-old Lola and 10-year-old Zahra. Wow, it really puts time into perspective when you switch out “18 years” for “together since 1996”. 1996? They’ve been together since Spice Girls’ Spice? Holy crap, that’s a long-ass time. I hope Malaak brings that up in divorce court when she’s trying to get half of that sweet Madagascar money. “Your honor, please note that Spice came out a long-ass time ago.“