Cristiano Ronaldo’s Statue Has A Big Bronze Bulge

December 22, 2014 / Posted by:

We all know that Portuguese football star Cristian Ronaldo has a special fascination with bulges…


So of course his statue is going to come complete with a massive bulge that’s perfect for a family of pigeons to perch on during a sunny day (or to gather under during a rainy day).

On Sunday, the deep fried piece of pure muscle known as Cristian Ronaldo celebrated himself in his hometown of Funchal on the island of Madeira, Portugal by erecting a giant 10-foot statue in his likeness. The statue is part of the museum that was opened by him and is dedicated to him. Nobody loves Crispy Ronaldo more than Crispy Ronaldo loves Crispy Ronaldo and I’m okay with that. Because if Crispy Ronaldo didn’t have a major, leaky boner for himself, we might not have this beautiful statue of him and his dick. I kind of feel bad for that statue, though. It’s standing over Crispy Ronaldo and it can’t physically kneel down to gently lay its bronze dick on his head. That’s a bitch.

But you know, maybe that’s not a dick on Crispy’s statue. Maybe that’s the bottle of vegetable oil he keeps in his shorts so he’ll always be able to maintain his greasy glow.

Whatever the case may be, I’d hit it. Crispy and his statue.

Pics: AP, Getty

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