Lost ‘n Founds, the depressing as hell stuffed animals for the Emo child in your life.
Sometime before 1989, a toy executive at Galoob felt that there were way too many toys out there that made kids happy and what the market really needed was a depressed, sad, teary-eyed stuffed animal that brought on the sads. Lost ‘n Founds were stuffed animals that were homeless, sad and so down and out that they cried tears. After you fed them water from a bottle and squeezed their tummies, water would squirt out of their eyes. Yes, they really existed.
Seriously, though, I don’t know why those little bitches cried all the time. They had nothing to cry about. They were brand new and clean! What about the torn up, stained, raggedy, busted, janky stuffed animals who were discarded in a Salvation Army bin and spent the rest of their lives living on a dusty, dark shelf? Those stuffed animals really had something to cry about. They’re the ones who make you sing that Sarah McLachlan song to yourself when you look at them.
The Lost ‘n Founds were fake homeless animals and their tears were made of tap water. But I still love them, because they’re ridiculous and hold a special place on the long list of things that prove that the 80s were weird as shit.
Super villains like Heather Cho probably wish these sad, crying stuffed animals were around when they were kids. She’d scream at it to cry more before dipping her macadamia nuts in its tap water tears.