Hot Slut Of The Day!
The hot host from this cybersex instructional video from 1997!
It’s Cyber Monday, the day that we all break the joints in our fingers by hitting the junk button over and over again while deleting all the 10 million emails we get from all the stores we bought shit from over the years. I just spent way too much time going through all my Cyber Monday emails and I did the click of shame while deleting emails from stupid stores I can’t believe I bought stupid shit from in the past. I don’t know whether to be more ashamed about once buying something from QuakerSteakandLube.com or LLBean.com. (Definitely LLBean.com.) But anyway, to me, whenever I hear the word “cyber” I think of the simpler time in the late 90s when some of us got off while cyber doing a stranger.
Before Grindr, webcams and sexting, my idea of a hot Saturday night was getting drunk on Strawberry Hill while trolling the AOL m4m 18-24 room for a trick to cyber fuck with. This clip from Found Footage Fest made the rounds this past summer, but it’s the perfect way to honor Cyber Monday. This second rate Julianne Moore impersonator in an L.L. Bean sweater (L.L. Bean is definitely haunting me today) and sexy mom jeans from JcPenney teaches you how to cyber. The first step is telling the cyber world you’ve arrived and the third step is taking your top off. I know, what an easy cyber slut she is. I waited until at least the 10th or 12th keystroke to take my clothes off.
Okay, but she didn’t address what you do when you get cyber blue balls after someone in your house picks up the phone and knocks you off of dial-up.
This almost makes me miss typing, “im cuuuumming aslkgdjlksdagj oh god asdhglasdjglj im cumming,” while cyber fucking a buff, 20-year-old model from NYC (aka a fat, balding, 40-something closeted dad from Ohio).
Happy Cyber Monday to all us cyber sluts!