ABC Says That Rosie O’Donnell Is Not Leaving The View

If TMZ is right, then in the picture above Rosie O’Donnell is gritting her teeth hard, because if she doesn’t she’ll use her munching powers to chew Whoopi’s head off.

TMZ said today that Rosie O’Donnell’s grand return to The View is going as well as all of us thought it would go. Rosie is apparently an ingrown hair in everyone’s taint and the cast and crew would rather get butt fucked by a Spiny Anteater’s four-headed peen than work with her next season. TMZ’s “well-placed sources” say that Rosie the Terrible is mad that she’s not the captain of that ship. Sources say that Rosie signed on, because she thought she would be the “moderator” at the table instead of Whoopi. When the cameras are off, Rosie barely says a word to anyone and she always looks like she’s got a massive case of the sads.

The powers-that-be of the show doubt she’ll be back next season and won’t queef out a stream of shock if she leaves before this season is over. They’ve tried talking to her, but she’s not trying to hear them. Um, have they tried talking to her using the magic power of show tunes, because she perks up like an Australian Shepard puppy whenever she hears a show tune.

But wait! A rep at ABC denies TMZ’s story. The rep tells Buzzfeed that Rosie knew going in she wasn’t going to be the head pecking hen and she’s not leaving the show.

“This is yet another in a long line of fabricated stories. Reports of Rosie leaving are false. Whoopi is the moderator and has been since she was hired in 2007. Rosie O’Donnell knew that before she took the job.”

Ratings are down, so my guess is that ABC leaked that story to TMZ to get people to watch The View to see if Rosie loses it and goes off on those tricks. I watch The View most days and that’s the only reason why I watch. It hasn’t happened. Rosie is too behaved this time around. Whenever they talk about serious shit and Whoopi spits out something dumb, Rosie keeps her mouth shut and you can tell she’s holding back the urge to unleash her jaws of death on a trick. So if ABC really wants to bring up the ratings, they should cut off Rosie’s invisible muzzle, put on their blood splash guards and let her attack. It’s what the people (read: me and probably only me) want.