53-Year-Old Susan Boyle Has Got Her First Boyfriend Ever

December 1, 2014 / Posted by:

This news makes me happy enough to joyfully screech (I don’t sing) “I Dreamed a Dream” while rubbing my face against my fuzziest throw pillow and pretending its Simon Cowell’s furry chest. After being single for her whole life, Susan Boyle – the nutty come-to-life cat hair-covered sweater who won our hearts with her beautiful voice and even more gorgeous personality – is off the market. SORRY, EVERYONE! SuBo told The Sun (via Daily Mail) that she was wooed by an American doctor who was staying in the same hotel as her during her US tour earlier this year. They eventually had a “romantic” dinner together, and now Susan says he’s planning on visiting her in Scotland:

“It’s very early days so we’ll see what happens. I hope he comes over. I don’t want to say any more about who he is right now as that would be unfair on him. All I’ll say is we are around the same age and he was a very nice guy.”

53-year-old Susan has admitted before that not only has she never had a boyfriend, but she’s never even rubbed lips with a dude, so Dr. Boyfriend could very well be SuBo’s first everything, if ya know what I’m saying (wink). That’s right, Dr. Boyfriend could be Susan’s first sloppy hand job in the back seat of a Toyota Tercel, her first experience accidentally walking in on her dude take a hungover dump with the door open, her first fight over whose ass made the couch smell like farts, her first time hearing the words “Hey, can you take a look at this thing on my back? If it’s a zit, will you pop it?” Oh Susan, you have so much to look forward to!

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