British chef Jamie Oliver is a guy who loves food, so it should come as no surprise that he’d manage to find a way to discipline his kids with it. According to The Daily Mail, Jamie recently gave an impromptu crash-course in food-based mouth torture during an appearance at the BBC Good Food Show when he admitted to keeping his kids in line by sneaking hot peppers into their mouths. Why hot peppers? Because he’s famous and he can’t get caught by the paps…er…”removing his chancla”, so to speak:
“I give them chillies for punishment. It is not very popular beating kids any more, it’s not very fashionable and you are not allowed to do it and if you are a celebrity chef like me it does not look very good in the paper. So you need a few options.”
He then proceeded to tell the story about the time his 12-year-old daughter Poppy was being rude and disrespectful and acting like a straight-up brat (source: was once a bratty 12-year-old girl). But instead of punishing her in the most ruthless way you can punish a 12-year-old girl – by taking away Mall Madness – he taught her a lesson by grabbing a hot pepper and rubbing it all over her food:
“Poppy was quite disrespectful and rude to me and she pushed her luck. In my day I would have got a bit of a telling-off but you are not allowed to do that. Five minutes later she thought I had forgotten and I hadn’t. She asked for an apple. I cut it up into several pieces and rubbed it with Scotch Bonnet and it worked a treat. She ran up to mum and said, ‘This is peppery’. I was in the corner laughing. [Jools] said to me, ‘Don’t you ever do that again’.”
“Damn, Jamie – I’m the asshole British chef, remember?” says Gordon Ramsay, as he whips an overcooked beef wellington at his sous chef.
I’m sure there are some people right now who are screaming “CHILD ABUSE!!!” while running to the fridge to grab a glass of milk for poor Poppy, to which I’d like to add “AND ALSO FOOD ABUSE!!!“, because food should NEVER be used for evil! And Jamie’s a dum dum, because I’m pretty sure this is how prank wars are started. Jamie is gonna get got – Poppy is 12, and 12-year-olds are smart. Look out Jamie – you’re about 3 hot pepper apples away from finding Nair in your shampoo or your toilet seat wrapped in Saran Wrap.