Robert Plant Denies Ripping Up An $800 Million Led Zeppelin Offer

November 10, 2014 / Posted by:

I know, this is just an excuse to once again post a picture of Robert Plant’s sleeping chinchilla bulge.

The Mirror today claimed that the head bitch of Virgin, Richard Branson, offered Led Zeppelin $800 billion to reunite and play 35 dates in 3 cities (London, Berlin and a city in New Jersey). Some source says that Richard has always been a major fan of Led Zeppelin’s and wants to see them play together again. They haven’t played together since 2007. Richard queefed up an offer that would’ve put at least $266 million into the checking accounts of Led Zeppelin’s surviving members. The source said that Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones immediately screamed, “FUCK YEAH,” and were ready to sign their names in blood because $800 million. But Robert Plant didn’t exactly cum out a stream of excitement and he ripped up the offer and fed it to his obese hedgehog bulge:

“Jimmy and John signed up immediately. It was a no-brainer for them but Robert asked for 48 hours to think about it. When he said no and ripped up the paperwork he had been given, there was an enormous sense of shock. There is no way they can go ahead without him.”

Robert Plant’s spokesbitch immediately shat all over The Mirror’s story by calling it “rubbish.” I don’t know which part is rubbish: all of it or the part where Robert Plant lost his brain and ripped up an $800 million offer?

I’m glad that The Mirror’s story is made of lies, because if it wasn’t, Robert Plant’s family would have to force him into a mental hospital since tearing up an $800 million contract is an insane act. Turning down $800 million is like turning down a hug from a puppy. You don’t do it. I’m sure many of us shameless whores would do some dirty, disgusting, unholy things for $800 million like say something nice about Kim Kartrashian or wear UGG CROCs outside.

I was going to ask if that tour would even make that $800 million back, but then I remembered that there’s a lot of old whores out there who’d cash in their 401ks, sell their children and commit some illegal acts to see Robert Plant’s tightly wrapped tamale bulge up close.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: Don't be racist or bigoted, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >