Halle Berry Says The Secret To Keeping Your Tit Game Tight Is Wearing A Bra All The Time

Is it just me, or does it look like there’s a tiny lil’ third boob trying to grow out of Halle Berry’s right shoulder? Mugatu says: “Shoulder titties, so hot right now.”

To promote the re-launch of the French lingerie line Scandale, Chichi Hall of Fame member Halle Berry recently confessed to Yahoo! Style (via Page Six) how she keeps her opulent titty orbs so bouncy and fresh, and it’s all thanks to her mom. Halle says that when her boobs were but tiny berries, her mother sat her down and explained to her that one day her berries will grow into giant melons, but if she didn’t take care of them, they’d turn into two long butternut squashes. The solution? AWB: Always Wear a Bra!

“My mother taught me when I was very young that if I don’t want my boobs to hit the my knees by the time I’m 30, always wear a bra, even to bed.”

If this isn’t the catchiest of 22s, then I don’t know what is. On the one hand, I would love to be 93-years-old and still have perky show-stopping titties peeking out from the unbutoned neckline of my Granny’s Choice housecoat. But on the other hand, there is no way in Hell, Heaven, Purgatory, or Pimp Mama Kris’s House that I’m wearing a bra any longer than I have to. Bras are the assholes of the clothing world. They’ll turn on you faster than prison snitch. One minute your titties are napping comfortably in their snuggly padded hammock like two sleepy retriever puppies, the next they’re being poked to death by a pissed-off piece of underwire.

Besides, there’s no greater feeling that taking your bra off at the end of the day; it’s like chugging a beer and ripping an extra-long bong hit while a sexy octopus gives your soul an 8-handed back massage. Sorry Halle, I just can’t give up that euphoric post-bra feeling!