Michael Strahan Will Play A Stripper In Magic Mike XXL (UPDATE)

September 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Let’s just get this out of the way, because I’m sure it’s the only thing you really care about: no, you won’t get to see his New York Trouser Giant – BUT – there is a chance we might get to see his defensive end. Pray 4 butts, it’s all we’ve got.

So another hot-bodied hottie has been added to the cast of what will surely be Channing Tatum’s magnum opus, Magic Mike XXL; former football player and Live! with Kelly and Michael host Michael Strahan will make an appearance as a stripper. Did you hear that sound? It was the sound of a million morning TV-watching memaws and stay-at-home moms getting the vapors and fainting into a pile of folded laundry.

Michael admitted on Live! this morning that after Channing Tatum jokingly asked him to appear in Magic Mike 2, he then asked him a second time for real if he’d appear as a stripper, and he agreed. Michael also says he’ll be wearing a “kind-of a thong thing”, which means we won’t get to see any penis. But also because, duh, we’re not going to see any penis anyways because it’s a Hollywood movie. If you want penis, you’re going to have to watch the Magic Mike parody, Spellbound Sam (which I assume is something that exists).

But what Michael doesn’t realize is that he doesn’t technically ever have to show his thong-wrapped stra-ham. He can use a crotch double! And who better to stand in as his dick-double than Kelly Ripa’s erect belly button! Just have Kelly slip a g-string around stomach and shoot  it from a couple creative angles, and no one will know the difference!

And in case you want to know what Michael Strahan stripping looks like, here’s him busting out some bachelorette party moves on Live! two years ago.

Update from Michael K: Warner Bros. announced the full cast, and joining Gappy Strahan, Channing Tatum, Matt Boner, Joe ManJello, Kevin Nash, Gabriel Iglesias and Kevin Nash will be Amber Heard, Jada Pinkett Smith, Elizabeth Banks, Andie MacDowell and Donald Glover. They also spit up a synopsis.

“Magic Mike XXL” finds the remaining Kings of Tampa ready to throw in the towel. But they want to do it their way: burning down the house in one last blow-out performance in Myrtle Beach, and with legendary headliner Magic Mike sharing the spotlight with them. On the road to their final show, with whistle stops in Jacksonville and Savannah to renew old acquaintances and make new friends, Mike and the guys learn some new moves and shake off the past in surprising ways.

Um, yeah, that synopsis means nothing to me, because it doesn’t say how many pairs of bare ass cheeks they’re going to show and if they’re finally going to do things right by giving us dick shots. That’s the only thing us, desperate, hard-up whores care about.

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