An L.A. Lawyer Has Been Photoshopping Herself Into Pictures With Random Celebrities And Passing Them Off As Clients

September 19, 2014 / Posted by:

In “You should know better, you’re a goddamn lawyer” news, a Los Angeles lawyer named Svitlana Sangary is in deep legal shit this week after she got caught Photoshopping herself into pictures with an assortment of high-profile celebrities and posting them to her website in an attempt to lure in new clients. The Daily Mails says that shady bitch Svitlana Photoshopped herself rubbing elbows with more than 50 celebrities, including George Clooney, Jamie Foxx, Barbra Streisand, Donald Trump, and Leo DiCaprio. She even went so far as to Photoshop herself into a picture with President Barack Obama. And I guess she was also trying to corner the lucrative trash market, because she also Photoshopped herself into a picture with Paris Hilton and High Klass Hooker Kim. Hey, dumb assholes need legal representation too, right?

Unfortunately, it was pretty obvious the pics were fake, because several of them showed Svitlana looking like a damn life-sized cardboard cut-out. That stupid bitch forgot to use different pictures of herself! That’s when the State Bar stepped in and asked the Supreme Court to suspend her license for six months and put her on probation for three years for “deceptive advertising”, aka trying to trick people into thinking she was the A-list attorney to the STAHS!

But this isn’t the first time someone has slapped Svitlana for her sloppy Beyoncé-approved handiwork; two years ago, State Bar Court Judge Donald F. Miles confronted her about the phony pictures, but instead of taking them down, she wrote him a 16-page letter that Miles claims had “little to no rational connection to the charges at hand.” Oh, so she’s crazy? YOU DON’T SAY. I wish there was a way to read all 16-pages of next-level insanity, but for now we’ll just have to settle for this beautiful bonkers nugget:

In one particularly strange excerpt, Sangary goes on a tangent about Natalie Portman’s performance in the 2010 ballet-drama ‘Black Swan’

The passage reads: “Also, with regard to false statements and misleading advertisement, none other than Natalie Portman comes to mind. The online media extensively covers the controversy surrounding Natalie Portman’s performance in the film Black Swan. The ballet dancer who performed in the Black Swan, Sarah Lane, has come forward to revel [sic] a ‘cover-up’ and says that Natalie Portman’s head was superimposed on to Sarah Lane’s body, and that Natalie Portman lied.”

Oh my lord, I think Svitlana Sangary might be my new favorite person in the whole world. She has a hot name (it sounds like a stripper farted on a $14 cocktail), her website looks like it was built using a bootleg version of Windows 95, and if this glowing review on Yelp is any indication of how good she is at her job, I’d say she’s on-par with Lionel Hutz:

Screen Shot 2014-09-19 at 2.02.47 PM

So I guess what they’re trying to say is that Svitlana is as good at Photoshop as she is at math. $18,000 for “legal research”? Is that how much a subscription to Getty Images goes for these days?

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