Ariana Grande Latte Responds To The Diva Bitch Rumors, Uses The Word “Love” At Least 100 Times While Doing So

September 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Ariana Grande, the rabid Yorkie who shape-shifted into a diabolical wig with eyes, responded on Twitter yesterday to the rumors that she’s an evil demon fetus who wishes death upon her fans and is such a demanding asshole that she makes her diva idol Mimi seem like a reasonable and humble butterfly. Scooter Braun’s newest monster spilled out a Twitter stream filled with emojis, the word “love” and a quote from Rent. Ariana’s little fans (you know, the ones whose graves she wants to dance on) might think her tweets are cute and sweet and ~genuine~, but us growns know better. Ariana’s tweets are like a pentagram drawn in blood and covered with rainbow glitter and puppy stickers. They might seem fakely sweet and cute on the surface, but there’s a whole lot of dark-sidedness beneath them. The future serial killer’s tweets are after the cut, because there’s a lot of them.


Translation: Ariana made voodoo dolls of all the reporters and haters who keep calling out her diva ways and she cackled as she stuck them with pins.


Translation: Ariana switched out the pins for rusty razors and as she cut those voodoo dolls, she thought about all us haters suffering through life! She promises life will treat us like shit.


Translation: Okay, now she’s really serious. She switched out the rusty razors for a chainsaw and now she’s really uglying up those voodoo dolls.


Translation: She’s now punching those voodoo dolls while screaming, “Here’s some pain for u!”


Um, you should apologize.


Translation: Ariana hates u.


That last tweet has to be the most terrifying tweet I’ve ever read and that includes the tweet where it was announced that Lindsay Lohan was playing Elizabeth Taylor. I pictured Ariana tweeting that after lighting a match, staring at it and smiling while she thought about all the souls of her haters burning in the underworld. When are the creators of that Annabelle movie going to tell us that it’s really an Ariana Grande Latte biopic?

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