Beyoncé really needs to book her sister into an 8-week intensive night school class at the Adult Learning Annex, because this shit is getting ridiculous. Bey recently released some pictures of her celebrating her 33rd birth-bey (you know she calls it that) on a yacht in the South of France, but it looks like she had more important shit to do, like planning out her next publicity-humping long-term stunt with Jay-Z, because she clearly didn’t go over proofs with a fine-toothed comb. If she had, maybe she would have caught Solange’s sloppy ‘shop job on her thigh gap in this bikini pic before they went up. This isn’t the first time Beyoncé has ordered one of her minions to fuck around with her thighs, but it’s definitely the most obvious. Like Miss Cleo says: THE CARDS DON’T LIE!
Of course, I’m sure there are literally dozens of near-sighted BumbleBeys who are screaming at their screens: “You HAG! HOW DARE YOU? That’s 100% all-natural Beyoncé! You r just jealous u don’t have a gorgeous body.” No, you’re totally right. I’m just jealous. I’m also totally jealous that Bey’s yacht has a set of wacky Fun House stairs:
I know Bey is trying to convince us she could drive a semi truck through her thighs without either side touching, but we all know her thigh gap is as bogus as her singing. Especially when she’s standing in front of something like stairs. Stairs are the snitches of Photoshop; they’ll rat you out every time. If Bey is still so dead set on using the lasso tool to remove half of her leg meat, she needs to start planning her backgrounds better. Maybe find a busy pattern that will distract from all the messy bending and warping, like a paisley. Or just start taking all your pictures in front of a green screen in a motion-capture suit and add in a pair of hot dogs later. There, problem solved!
UPDATE: The Daily Mail has pointed out that Bey-wonk-say has swatted back at the haters by posting this picture to Tumblr of her working a less-wonky thigh gap. Good work on choosing a busy background, Bey!