The Dumb Bitch of the Decade award was given to Normal Guy Dave last month when he screwed up and got fired from the easiest job in the world. All Normal Guy Dave had to do was hold Brit Brit Spears’ Starbucks, take her out every week for an ultra romantic dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, rub her tummy while she tried to poot out an Arby’s-induced ass queef and not tell her what happens when she screams, “Don’t tell me what happens!”, while watching Frozen for the 400th time (it’s the only movie Daddy Spears lets her watch). Easiest paycheck ever! But the sad excuse for a gold digger kissed that easy check goodbye when he allegedly dipped his dick into the twat of porn star Cali Lee. And now Brit Brit’s lawyers are trying to slap a muzzle on Cali Lee’s mouth.
Every first date with Brit Brit begins with the signing of a confidentiality agreement (and ends with her having to excuse herself to the little girls room because she gambled and lost again, but that’s besides the point), so of course Normal Guy Dave signed one. Daddy Spears and Team Cheetos aren’t worried about Normal Guy Dave dribbling out secrets, but TMZ says that they are worried about Cali Lee selling stories about their hillbilly moneymaker to the tabloids. Brit Brit’s lawyers sent Cali a lovely promise note and in that lovely promise note, they promised to sue the life out of her if she says anything about Our Lady of Cheetos to the tabloids.
In the letter, obtained by TMZ, the lawyer writes, “Rest assured that our client has the resources and the resolve to pursue this matter no matter what the financial cost or outlay in time.”
TMZ points out that Cali Lee can blab all she wants, because she’s not the one who signed a confidentiality agreement. Daddy Spears is just wasting Brit Brit’s money. Besides, what shocking and escandaloso secrets could this Cali Lee trick possibly tell us? At this point, don’t we already know everything about Brit Brit? What could Cali say? That Brit Brit secretly hates Starbucks coffee and in that clear plastic Venti cup she always carries around is actually iced International Coffee? Actually, that’d be pretty devastating. Not only would it destroy Starbucks, but we’d never be able to look at Brit Brit again, because everything we thought we knew about her would be A LIE.
And here’s Brit Brit in NYC yesterday at the launch of her lingerie collection which includes a bunch of bras that she’ll never ever wear.