The face of the art world is about to get covered with a load of sticky, pineapple-infused cum and surprisingly enough, it’s not going to come from James Franco’s mouth. Franco, Lady CaCa, Joaquin Phoenix, Shia LaBeouf and Jay-Z can all eject themselves out of the art world, because a new challenger has arrived. Moonshine’s answer to Jeff Koons made a collection of sculptures (read: bitch didn’t make shit on her own) using crap and junk she’s collected from fans and airport stores during her tour. Miley Cyrus is going to debut her sculptures at V Magazine’s office gallery in Manhattan tomorrow. One of Miley’s cracked out “sculptures” is a pineapple and she tells V (via Jezebel, or in this case we should call it Jizzebel) that she created it after being inspired by yummy cum.
“This one’s a vibrator, which I got from a fan. They threw it on stage. And that’s a joint [attached to it], so that’s the vibe. I’ve gotten more and more about piling things on, but I try to put thought into everything. Even though it’s so stupid, I did the pineapple because you know what they say about pineapple, right? Yummy cum? If you drink a lot of pineapple juice you’re going to have yummy cum. So that’s why I put it on the dick with a bunch of babies, and it says, “Fuck.” I try to think about everything so it has a story to me.”
Pineapple-infused man custard? Miley Cyrus is such an amateur cum guzzler. Some of us have evolved from pineapple jizz and our cum palates have gotten way more sophisticated. We can’t enjoy man milk (or “gentleman kefir” as us gourmets call it) unless it’s served in flan form on an herbed tart or in parfait form with a dollop of kumquat foam on top. We can’t give a beej or handy without having a chef’s hat on our heads and our Natural Harvest cookbook nearby. I would help Miley elevate her palate by curating a bunch of cum recipes and posting them onto a blog, but the name Goop.com is already taken.
If you’re in the Studio City area and have made plans to go to the nearest Costco after work to pick up a case of Dole, because Miley inspired you to try the pineapple trick again, don’t bother. Go to another store. Billy Ray Cyrus already cleaned them out.
Here’s a few pictures of Miley’s art. Those sculptures look like what would come out of The Barney Bag’s ass if it gorged on Hello Kitty Mystery Bags. It also looks like shit that a trick high on meth and Adderall would make if they were locked in a claw arcade machine for 4 hours.