JWoww Swears Her Exquisite Face Has Never Been Touched By A Doctor’s Scalpel

The last time we saw Jenni “JWoww” Farley, her face definitely looked a little…off. It was sort of like JWoww was wearing a knock-off JWoww mask from Party City that had half-melted in the trunk of her car. It truly was a “Jesus take the wheel, and drive the car as far away from the plastic surgeon’s office as possible, cause this bitch is DONE” moment. Radar also felt the same way, so they talked to a couple of “doctors” (aka Nick Riviera and the staff at Hollywood Upstairs Medical College) to find out what the fuck she’s been doing to her face. And yes, the general consensus was 50-CCs of Fix-A-Flat injections and a whole lot of NO, STAHP.

But the demure silicone mermaid of the Jersey Shore herself says she hasn’t touched her damn face and what you see is 100% all-natural, so STFU and leave her gorgeous melting candle face alone, haters! JWoww took to Instagram (via Daily Mail) to post a sans-fards selfie of what she claims is her real face along with the following sarcasm-dipped message to Radar:

“Very flattered radar online that u think I had all that work done but I’m just a plain jane mom with wrinkles without makeup… But kudos to u and ur site awesome material… Very riveting”

All I have to say is: HARPO, WHO DIS WOMAN?!!?

My brain tells me it’s JWoww, but my heart says this is an imposter. If JWoww looks like this when she’s at home, then why does she look like the Snickers lady’s long-lost daughter when she goes outside? It doesn’t make any sense! Wait a minute..no, it makes perfect sense. Either JWoww is a shape-shifting rubber-faced Werepanther (totally plasusible) or JWoww’s home is experiencing some sort of plastic surgery-based paranormal phenomenon. On the outside of the house, you look like a Botoxed mess, but once you cross the threshold, your face reverts back to its original form. Call Mulder and Scully, I think I’ve solved the mystery!