Open Post: Hosted By The World’s Saddest Twerk Contest
Yes, ever sadder than the fact that we’re still using the word “twerk”. A thoughtful angel was kind enough to film a twerk contest that happened during the Magic Delta Fest in Sfântu Gheorghe, Romania, and all I could think while watching this booty-popping trainwreck was “Sweet sfântu gheorghe, what in the hell is happening here???” It starts off with three dancers who look like rejects from the Eric Prydz “Call On Me” video twerking their bony butts on a busted-looking stage to Jason Derulo’s “Wiggle” like they’re secretly auditioning for Romania’s hottest strip club (you know, the one with the all-you-can-eat sarmale buffet). Then the camera pans over to the audience and you see that the front row is filled with CHILDREN, and all of them looked like they’d rather be brushing their teeth (so gross) or eating their vegetables (SO gross). They were not having any of it.
Honestly, what kind of child responds to an eye-full of piping-hot attempted-twerk action from three very exquisite blonde rhinestones by serving up knee-high side eye? HOW RUDE! Or maybe they’re just in awe of such a tasteful display of artistic elegance. Or maybe they’re so desensitized to seeing women gyrating in thongs at the Magic Delta Fest that it doesn’t shock them anymore. “Hurry up and finish shaking your ass mom, I want to ride the ferris wheel.”