Katy Perry Admits That She’s Not A Smart Person

August 14, 2014 / Posted by:

During a recent interview to promote her “Make Roar Happen” classroom initiative with Staples, Katy Perry, the 13-year-old Nightmare-playing ICQ-chatting tattoo choker-wearing teenage girl trapped in the body of a 29-year-old wealthy Santa Barbara woman, confessed to Yahoo (via UsWeekly) that she sort of wishes she actually went to school when she was a kid instead of touring the country yodeling for Jesus, because she could use the extra brain smarts:

“I was being pulled out of school even in the middle of school and sometimes being home schooled. Sometimes we were sent to these really half-Christian, half-education, I-don’t-know-what-they-were schools. I’m kind of bummed at this stage that I didn’t have a great education because I could really use that these days.”

But the Cultural Aprorpriation Queen admits that it’s not just cultures she’s hungrily snatching at; she’s also trying to appropriate knowledge:

“I’ve learned to educate myself at this stage and how to continue my education at any age. I’m going on 30 and I’m still very thirsty for information. On tour, we go to different museums and get to soak up all kinds of different cultural experiences.”

Considering the last museum Katy Perry went to was a witch museum (and even then, she really only went for the gift shop), I don’t count on seeing Katy hitting the Daily Double on Jeopardy! any time soon. And that’s fine! Katy doesn’t need to be smart! The best version of Katy is the one who makes messy historically-inaccurate Cleopatra-themed music videos and thinks Grant Wood was the first person to paint goths.

Besides, doesn’t she know that you only get dumber as you get older? The other day I forgot what that thing which takes your temperature is called. The best I could come up with was “heat stick”, and I got admitted to college on a scholarship! Katy, do what I did and stop fighting it; accept your inner dummy. Cool it with the smart people shit like museums and art galleries, and start embracing dumb people shit Say Yes To The Dress: Bridesmaids and that Kim Kardashian iPhone game. Trust me, what’s left of your brain will thank you.

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