Open Post: Hosted By Cristiano Ronaldo’s Japanese Commercial For A Face Tightener Thing

August 7, 2014 / Posted by:

Crispy Ronaldo only slathers the finest leather polish on his barbecued Wilson’s Leather duffel bag skin and that stuff costs, so he has to do what he’s gotta do for a check. The deep fried bacon with gorgeous eyebrows that have been plucked to heaven and back is the new face of some kind of Japanese facial exercise tool. The answer to the question, “What in ten shades of HELL is going on in that commercial?“, is: Japan. Japan. The answer is always Japan. Leave it to Japan to create a ridiculous ass face tool that makes you look like you’re rimming a bird as it tries to fly away.

I don’t know how much that mess of a company paid Crispy to sell that mess of a product, but I can still say that they paid too much. Crispy never put it in his mouth! How are you going to have Crispy’s mouth and that thing in the same room and not put them together? Maybe if they covered that thing in a pair of black Nike shorts, he would’ve put his mouth on it. Even though Crispy didn’t give us the gift of him working that thing over, he did throw this look at it:


I can’t tell if that’s a look that says, “...the fuck?” or if he got a little excited and his tip got moist?

And that thing obviously doesn’t work. If sucking on a hard thing worked out your face muscles, most of us sluts would have six packs on our cheeks.

GIF: E! OnlineĀ 

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