Another Day, Another Five Billion Stories About The Fall Of Bey-Z

August 6, 2014 / Posted by:

Are they throwing the official gang signs of the Illuminati: STUNT QUEEN chapter or are they saying “Look at us! We’re attention whores!” in sign language?

For the past few weeks, Page Six and everybody else has been counting down to the end of Beyonce and Jay-Z’s marriage. They’ve said that RiRi is Jay-Z’s side piece, Beyonce is looking for a penthouse to live in without Jay-Z and so and so on. Every time a new divorce rumor pops up, Beyonce throws up a portrait of a perfectly family on Instagram (see: picture above). The media, Instagram and Beyonce are obviously in CAHOOTS together. Well, expect Beyonce’s Instagram to be hit with another wave of damage control portraits, because the media is still at it.

E! News reported yesterday that Beyonce recently met with her financial advisors to discuss her money. E! News thinks that she could be making moves to get her money in order before filing for divorce. But I don’t think that’s why Beyonce met with her money hos. Since Beyonce really cares about being one hundred percent honest, she wanted to make sure she was telling the whole truth when she spit out that “$1 billion on an elevator” line in the Flawless remix.¬†Beyonce’s financial advisors let her know that if she wanted to include Basement Baby, she should update the line to: “$1 billion plus an expired MetroCard, a Walmart coupon for Knox Cajun Sides, a wet moth ball and an $11 residual check for Bring It On: All Or Nothing.”

Life & Style (via Hollywood Life) says that Beyonce can no longer take Jay-Z sticking his dick in everything but her and she wants to be a good role model to Blue Ivy Carter, so she will divorce him once the tour is over.

And¬†UsWeekly says that the only time Beyonce and Jay-Z are together is when they’re onstage or posing for Instagram stunt pictures. When they were in NYC and L.A. recently, they stayed in separate places.

You know, I’m just waiting for the State of New York to put an end to all of this madness by issuing a statement saying that it’s legally impossible for Beyonce and Jay-Z to get a divorce. They can’t get a divorce, because they were never married in the first place. The state does not recognize a marriage between a camel and a robotized wig head.

But seriously, there has been one good thing to come out of this Beyonce/Jay-Z divorce mess. Jay-Z’s never-was-side-trick Yes LIV Can (government name: Olivia McFallar) has released a diss song called “Sorry Mrs. Carter” that snatches all of Beyonce’s wigs. Yes LIV Can (more like “No LIV Can’t“) is a model and rapper who claimed during an interview with a radio station that Jay-Z tried to pick her up at a club and wanted to make her his in-town trick. YLC said that she didn’t take Jay-Z up on his offer, because she “respects” Beyonce too much and doesn’t want to be known for fucking rappers to get ahead. Well, YLC shat all over the “respect” she had for Beyonce by blasting her ass in a song that steals every beat from Outkast’sMs. Jackson.”

During the 3:44 of this visual and musical jewel, YLC lets Beyonce know that she stole a piece of Jay-Z’s heart and she could’ve had him if she wanted to. She spends the last minute of her diss trick telling Beyonce that she needs to teach young girls how to be wives and how to act around their husbands. Everything about this is HIGH ART from YLC’s “dead-eyed doberman” expression to the boxed red wine in that glass to the wardrobe provided by the Fredrick’s of Hollywood outlet to that apartment she obviously shot in guerilla-style during an open house on a slow Sunday. Basement Baby just made a fist and no, she didn’t make a fist to beat YLC in an elevator. She made a fist to fist pump to this slow jam of the century.

Dear Beyonce, YLC could’ve had your husband and she passed, but you’re not safe yet. You better hold on, because YLC is coming for and will take your career!

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