Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One: Kim Kardashian Wants To Get Divorced

July 16, 2014 / Posted by:

I hope they left a little room at the bottom of those jackets to paint the words “for the” and “publicity”, that way when their lawyer asks the reason why they’re filing for divorce, they can just turn around and point to their backs.

Yes, it’s that time again! Purgatory’s most famous attention-thirsty hooker, Kim Kardashian, is ready to slowly shuffle her hooves and waddle away from her latest husband. According to RadarKanye West has forced Kim to change from a vapid, soulless plastic robot into a self-aware vapid, soulless plastic robot, and that’s made her sadder than the time Khloe polished off the last of the Fix-A-Flat:

“Kim has totally morphed into the person that Kanye envisioned her to be,” the insider said. “She’s changed. From demanding Kim overhaul her wardrobe, to forcing her to hang out with his friends, Kanye has just completely taken over her life. Kim doesn’t have any interests of her own that Kanye doesn’t approve of.”

“He constantly scrutinizes Kim, and she’s constantly walking on eggshells around him,” the source claimed. “She begins every sentence with ‘Kanye thinks so and so,’ and ‘Kanye wants this and that.’”

“She tells everyone how happy she is with Kanye,” the source said. “But if that’s true, why does she look so sad all the time?”

Well, source, she looks sad because that’s what happens when you deep-six every muscle in your face by pumping it full of ten gallons of Botox every morning.

Then again, she probably looks so sad because she’s scared Kanye might try to come after her $85 million iPhone game fortune. Yes, that narcoleptic porn star mouth breather with a pile of coagulated NBA jizz for a brain made $85 million, and she didn’t even have to blow a sleazy foreign businessman in the back of a limo first! “My whore’s gone legit!”Pimp Mama Kris

Pic: Instagram

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