Time Warp Alert: Jeremy Jackson Accuses Parasite Hilton And Brandon Davis Of Beating His Ass

In “Skank Dumpster Trash You Haven’t Thought About In Years” news, TMZ says that early this morning in Malibu, a raggedy fight broke out between meth-faced Jeremy Jackson (aka Hobie from Baywatch) and two dried balls of smegma that humanity squirted out of its ass 10 years ago. Jeremy Jackson tells TMZ that he ended up with a busted eye after he got a beat down delivered to him by Brandon “Fat Elvis” Davis, Wonky McValtrex and others. Those dumb whores. Couldn’t they have waited for Dlisted’s 10th anniversary in January to give us this gutter gift from 2005?

Jeremy tells TMZ he was at a party at Wonky’s rented house in Malibu last night and at around 2 this morning, Fat Elvis and other nasty pieces of L.A. trash attacked him and cracked a liquor bottle over his head. Jeremy didn’t say why they came after him, but he did say that they’re all “degenerate fame whores.” The cops tell TMZ that they got 2 separate calls from 2 separate people at the party who claimed they got attacked by the other one. One of the two people was Wonky’s brother (probably Barron Hilton). Nobody wanted to press charges, so nobody was arrested and the cops left. Jeremy gave TMZ this picture of his busted eye and he says his attackers were “literally going Rodney King on my ass.”

Yes, because an orange has-been getting his ass beat by a bunch of spoiled, useless human viruses at a Malibu beach house is just like a Rodney King situation. Either the meth ate whatever was left inside of Hobie’s head or that scratch on his eye got infected and spread to his brain. And that “owwie” looks like the infection a dude gets after Wonky sits on his face and squirts.

And Fat Elvis earning the 8-balls Wonky gives him by beating tricks she tells him to beat up tells us that everything is fine and well in the 2005 exhibit of the fame whore zoo and we can keep it moving.

Since we’re on the subject of Jeremy Jackson’s beautifully sculpted orange meth face, here he is at Chippendales 3 years ago.

Pics: Wenn.com