ABC gave pink slips to Jenny McCarthy and Sherri Shepherd nearly two weeks ago, but this morning all the noisy chickens were back from vacation and they finally got to talk about it on The View. Lead hen Whoopi Goldberg kicked off the squawking by announcing that there was a “giant neon pink gorilla” in the room that needed to be addressed, and Jenny pretended that she didn’t get fired for being a dumb vaccination-denying bowl of soggy Waffle Crisp cereal and that she chose to move on and bla bla bla. She also sort of hinted that she got another job, which means that Jenny McCarthy scored a lucrative zero-figures deal with herself to film a series of YouTube videos in her living room while folding socks on the couch.
And then there was Sherri.
If there was any doubt that Sherri’s brain is literally a broken pile of stale store-brand Pop Tarts, watching her try to push out some salty ones while dramatically explaining why she chose to leave The View should all but confirm it:
“I’m a woman of faith and seven in the Bible is the number of God’s completion. I’ve been here seven years, and my time at The View is complete.”
Sherri, please do me a favour and open your Bible to 1 Corinthians and find the verse that says “I command thee to pull up a chair and have a fucking seat.” OF COURSE this dramatic bitch would bust out some “the Bible made me do it” talk. Maybe she’ll also blame it on The Bible when a judge asks her why she isn’t forking over any child support for her surrogate baby. “I’m sorry your honor, but I am a woman of faith, and I believe Jesus says somewhere in The Bible that I don’t have to pay child support. Amen?”